You make me wanna die.

I'll never be good enough.
You make me wanna die..

And everything you love,
will burn up in the light...

And every time I look inside your eyes,
you make me wanna die.

 

 

 

...Hah.. ah... today .. fuck. everything. is just... so.. fucked up.
Damn you, Mercury.. retrograding like that. Stop being an asshole and start moving like a normal planet again. All this.. moving backwards, and fucking with everything is really not working for me.

Fuck you, Mercury. Influencing communication, travel, and all that other bullshit. Thanks a lot for having the car brake down, and having Miguel get all mad and blame ME for it today. And.. Miguel got mad at me because his calls didn't get through to my cellphone. So. Fuck you again, Mercury. Thanks for fucking with my shit and making all this happen.

I hope things will stop being like this soon, because... I can't take much more of this.

Today.. has reminded me. Of.. how.. i've always known this would never work.
I remember how I just.. knew.. that I wasn't even meant to be alive this long.
I so.. should.. be dead right now.
I should have killed myself long ago.

But things.. kept happening. To stop it.

But. Now. Things feel like they're nearing the tipping point...

Just one step closer to the edge,
and I'm about to break.

FFfff... fucking. Depression.. and problems... Story of my life. Great.

A certain someone was kind enough to point out that I had issues. And I pointed out that EVERYONE has issues.
/; At least I'm aware of that. I'd like to think that hopefully I'm not fucked up too much more than other people. Pfff.. Might make me feel like a weirdo or something. God forbid.
How dare I not fit in. XD

AND ALSO. I know that I am not a scape goat. I fucking.. hate.. when people blame me for things that ARN'T MY FAULT. Fuck. At least I realize it's not my fault... Quite often, I break down.. and just.. take the blame for everything. But. That's.. really not healthy at all.

There are many more.. legitimate things for me to be worried about... I don't need more crap piled on top of it.
I'm trying so hard to keep it together and get by lately. I don't know what to do. And I don't know how I'm doing the things that I actually AM doing.

Everything is in an extreme state of transition, and I'm afraid of what might be happening. Everything seems to be falling apart.

Aaand.. I'm rambling. But. Whatever. At least I'm not torturing small children or something bad like that. I do, however, want to BURN things. A lot of things. With a lot of fire. /;
But that only makes me feel better for so long...

I should probably talk about something relevant, but.. my thoughts are so scattered.. and I don't really want to think about all the stuff that's going on to actually.. think of translating it into words. .. I hate words. /; I am so terrible at communicating with people. Especially a certain someone. In stressful situations.. or arguements.. I just. Close myself off, but up my shields, get depressed, and not be able to defend myself verbally.
Words. Are frustrating.
But look. Here I am, using them.
Hello, words. You little bastards.
..
...>>;

Yeah. I'm totally not a weirdo. --;

 

I think I'm done here.

Comments

[Dasair]

:<  *hugs*  <3

I love you.  And all the crappy things should go and die.  Run off a building, fall several hundred feet, and just before splatting in a bloody mess all over the ground, get torn on a jagged metal fence so all their insides fall out.  

I used to think that I wasn't going to live past 19.  And hurr.  I dunno.  As appealing as death may seem, it's really...  not a place for being that long.  Transitiony things can be happy, but are also by nature a pain...  

I just like to think of it as...  If things hit rock bottom, and you have nothing to lose..  do everything you ever wanted in this life.  Really, why not?  And when you're doing that, maybe you'll find something to live for..  or maybe not.  But at least you'd have 'a wonderful time'.  :<

Also.  Fuck words.  They piss me off forever.  Nearly every argument ever boils down to semantics, and it's just rather..  blah.  

I'd..  offer to talk or call you or draw happy things for you, but right now I'm really busy.  (which is why I haven't been existing)..  Maybe after.  Just..  feel better, Jr.face.  :<  <3

[Shalafein]

^^^ what she said.
minus the expletives.
with the addition of pointless comparatives that slowly drift into a monologue as you look at me with your "stop talking" face. ~
Because I care. :)